Understanding and confronting physical violence in relationships

Welcome back to our ongoing series exploring the progressive nature of abuse in relationships. In previous posts, we examined various forms of abuse, such as economic and financial violence, emotional manipulation, psychological abuse, and coercive control. These forms of abuse often set the stage for more visible manifestations of intimate partner violence: physical violence. In this post, we shift our focus to the physical aspect of abuse and the devastating impact it can have on both the victim’s physical and emotional well-being.

Understanding physical violence

Physical violence is one of the most apparent and harmful forms of intimate partner violence. It involves the use of physical force with the intent to harm, injure, or control the partner. This form of abuse often follows patterns of emotional or psychological abuse, serving as a method to further silence and dominate the victim. Many victims of financial or emotional abuse also experience threats or acts of physical violence, making it a pervasive and all-encompassing tool of control in abusive relationships.

Common types of physical violence in relationships

Abusers often employ more than one form of physical violence simultaneously, reinforcing their dominance. Here are some common types of physical violence, illustrated through relatable examples:

Hitting and its damaging impact on victims

Hitting involves the abuser slapping, punching, or striking the victim, often with an intent to cause physical pain and reinforce control. Victims are frequently left with bruises or injuries that they attempt to hide, ashamed or fearful of further abuse. For instance, Fan's husband, Robert, beats her regularly, leaving her with marks she tries to explain away as accidental falls in the bathroom.

Kicking as a violent method of control

Kicking typically targets vulnerable areas such as the stomach or head, causing not only physical pain but also emotional trauma. In some cases, it is used to punish or dominate a victim who the abuser perceives as "not complying" with their expectations. Yuki’s husband, Ryo, often kicks her when he feels she is not working quickly enough, turning everyday activities into triggers for violent outbursts.

Pushing and the emotional harm it causes

Pushing may seem less severe than other forms of abuse, but it can lead to serious injuries from falls and leave lasting emotional scars. It is often a means of intimidation, used to physically overpower and degrade the victim. Jamie frequently pushes his partner during arguments, leaving her not only with minor physical injuries but also a deep sense of fear and insecurity in the relationship.

Grabbing and using physical restraint to dominate

Grabbing involves the abuser physically restraining the victim, preventing them from leaving or moving freely. This act strips the victim of their autonomy, often occurring in public or private settings to control the victim’s movements. Sarah's boyfriend pinches her aggressively in public whenever another man speaks to her, and at home, he isolates her from her social circle, enforcing his control over her life.

Spitting as a degrading form of abuse

Spitting, though not physically painful, is an extremely degrading act of abuse. It humiliates the victim and serves as a method of exerting psychological control. Sawyer regularly spits on Quinn when he is displeased with her actions, using it as a way to humiliate and remind her of her perceived inferiority.

Choking and the life-threatening nature of this abuse

Choking is a highly dangerous form of abuse that involves restricting the victim’s airflow. It is life-threatening and leaves victims feeling powerless and traumatised. Emily’s boyfriend once choked her during an argument, leaving her terrified and afraid to confront him again, knowing her life could be at risk.

Burning as an extreme act of violence

Burning is a particularly brutal form of abuse, where the abuser uses hot objects or flames to inflict severe physical pain. This leaves lasting physical and emotional scars on the victim. In a horrific example, Winnie’s partner once burned her hand on a hot stove as a method of punishment, leaving her both physically scarred and emotionally traumatised.

Cutting and using sharp objects to intimidate

Cutting involves the use of sharp objects to harm or intimidate the victim. This form of abuse is often accompanied by threats and used to maintain control through fear. Totoro would often threaten Winnie with a knife, slashing at her and leaving her in constant fear of more severe violence.

Shaking as a tactic of intimidation and fear

Shaking the victim, especially with force, is another way abusers intimidate and control their partners. While it may not always leave visible marks, it can cause internal injuries and significant emotional harm. Bo frequently shakes Jine during arguments, leaving her terrified and physically disoriented after each episode.

Throwing objects to cause fear and physical harm

Throwing objects at the victim is a method used to instil fear and, in some cases, cause direct physical injury. Even when the object does not hit the victim, the intent is to frighten and dominate. Pasha constantly fears for her safety as her partner Barrie often throws heavy objects during their arguments, forcing her to live in a state of constant anxiety.

Restraining victims through force and isolation

Restraint involves physically preventing the victim from moving or leaving, often through tying them up or locking them in a room. This form of control isolates the victim and removes their sense of autonomy. Haru regularly locks Reggie in the bedroom when he goes out drinking, leaving her trapped for hours, unable to escape or seek help.

Driving off as a form of physical abuse

Another form of physical abuse involves the abuser using everyday actions to cause harm, as one reader shared. In this case, the husband would often drive off while she was getting into the car, causing her to fall and suffer multiple wounds on her legs and hands. This reckless behaviour is not only physically harmful but also a form of control and humiliation.

Such acts may seem minor, but the intent is clear: to injure, intimidate, and keep the victim in a state of fear. Over time, these seemingly small actions contribute to significant emotional and psychological trauma. This example highlights how abusers often weaponise routine activities, turning them into moments of physical violence and dominance.

The lasting effects of physical violence in relationships

Physical violence in relationships leaves a deep, lasting impact on victims, but these effects are often compounded by cultural and systemic challenges.

1. Physical injuries: The most visible consequence of physical abuse is bodily harm. Victims may experience bruises, cuts, broken bones, and even long-term disabilities. Repeated abuse, like the example of a partner driving off as the victim enters a car, can cause lasting physical scars and chronic pain, affecting the victim’s quality of life.

2. Emotional and psychological trauma: Physical violence leads to emotional wounds, often leaving victims with deep psychological scars. Feelings of helplessness, fear, anxiety, and depression are common, and victims may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The constant threat of violence creates an environment of fear, making it difficult for victims to feel safe or secure, even in their own homes.

3. Erosion of self-esteem: Repeated abuse diminishes a victim's self-worth. The constant criticism, humiliation, and physical harm can make victims feel powerless and undeserving of respect or love. This erosion of self-esteem can prevent victims from seeking help or leaving the abusive relationship, perpetuating the cycle of violence.

   
   

4. Social isolation: Abusers often isolate their victims, controlling who they can see and where they can go. This isolation not only cuts off the victim’s support system but also increases their dependence on the abuser, making it harder to escape the situation.

5. Health complications: Long-term abuse can lead to severe health problems, including chronic pain, cardiovascular issues, and a weakened immune system. Additionally, the emotional stress of living in an abusive environment can exacerbate existing health conditions, leading to more serious illnesses over time.

Empowering yourself to stop physical violence

Empowering yourself to stop physical violence starts with recognising your value and reclaiming control over your life. It involves building personal agency—understanding your worth, setting boundaries, and making informed decisions. Empowerment allows you to identify abusive patterns and take action to prevent violence before it escalates. Additionally, it challenges harmful societal norms and helps create healthier, more respectful relationships. In doing so, it not only protects you but also promotes a cultural shift towards equality and mutual respect.

1. Recognising self-worth and the power of agency: Prevention starts with understanding your own value, rights, and boundaries. By building a strong sense of self-worth, you are better equipped to resist controlling or manipulative behaviours in relationships. Developing personal agency allows you to assert your autonomy and take charge of your life, making you less vulnerable to the dynamics of abuse.

2. Managing relationships through empowerment: Empowerment plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy relationships. It enables you to communicate clearly, set boundaries, and recognise early signs of abuse. Those with a strong sense of agency can manage relationships in a way that promotes mutual respect and prevents the escalation of abusive behaviours. Empowered people can confront negative dynamics and assert their voice within relationships, protecting their autonomy.

3. Challenging cultural beliefs and confronting patriarchy: Harmful societal norms, such as the belief that "if your husband does not beat you, he does not love you," perpetuate abusive relationships. Confronting and dismantling these patriarchal beliefs through education and advocacy is vital for preventing violence. Building agency empowers you to reject these narratives, challenge unequal power dynamics, and stand up against systemic gender-based violence.

4. Resilience in the face of emotional and psychological abuse: Many abusive relationships begin with emotional manipulation or psychological abuse. Strengthening personal agency helps you identify and confront these tactics early, before they escalate into physical violence. By trusting your instincts and asserting your boundaries, you can resist manipulation and maintain control over your emotional well-being.

   
   

5. Seeking support and creating community-based agency: Developing personal agency also means recognising when to seek help. Whether through friends, family, or support organisations, having a strong network of allies helps to confront and escape abusive situations. Victims who feel empowered are more likely to reach out for support and take steps to change their circumstances.

How to recognise and escape physical violence

1. Recognising the signs of physical violence: Recognising the early signs of physical violence is key to preventing further harm. Physical violence often begins with small acts of control or manipulation and gradually escalates. Understanding the full range of abusive behaviours, from hitting and pushing to more insidious actions like spitting or choking, helps victims identify patterns of abuse and take action before the violence worsens.

   
   

2. Overcoming barriers to reporting abuse: Many victims hesitate to report abuse due to cultural beliefs or fear of being dismissed by authorities. In some communities, police or other officials may treat intimate partner violence as a "personal matter." Ensuring that legal systems hold abusers accountable is critical. Victims should feel empowered to report violence and seek legal protection, knowing that the law is on their side.

   
   

3. Seeking immediate help and building safety networks: Victims must take immediate steps to protect themselves by reaching out to local authorities, domestic violence hotlines, or healthcare professionals. By seeking help early, victims can prevent further violence and begin the process of escaping their abuser. Building a strong network of trusted friends, family, or community resources provides a crucial support system.

4. Creating a safety plan: A well-thought-out safety plan is essential for victims seeking to escape an abusive relationship. This plan should include safe places to go, emergency contacts, and resources like money and important documents. By having a plan in place, victims can act quickly in dangerous situations and minimise the risk of harm.

5. Accessing legal intervention: In cases of physical violence, legal measures such as restraining orders or injunctions may be necessary to protect victims. Pressing charges against the abuser can result in legal consequences, offering a sense of security and control. Legal intervention is a critical step in reclaiming agency and ensuring long-term protection.

   
   

6. Professional counselling and therapy: Both victims and abusers may benefit from professional counselling. Therapy helps victims rebuild their confidence, address trauma, and make healthier decisions moving forward. In some cases, abusers who seek therapy may address their violent tendencies, though recovery is not guaranteed. For victims, therapy is essential for regaining control of their lives and breaking free from the cycle of abuse.

Concluding reflections at NITE TANZARN IntellectNest

At NITE TANZARN IntellectNest, we believe that empowerment starts with fostering self-awareness and personal agency. Physical violence in relationships often begins with subtle signs of control, manipulation, and emotional abuse. Recognising these early and building the strength to confront societal norms that normalise abuse is key to prevention. Breaking the cycle of violence requires not only individual empowerment but also systemic change—challenging patriarchal beliefs and ensuring that legal protections are enforced. By supporting victims and creating spaces for open dialogue, we help restore autonomy and build safer, healthier relationships.