Building a Modern Village: Reclaiming Community in Our Lives

We often hear the proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child." For our ancestors, this was not just a saying; it was a practical reality. The village was a living network of support and shared responsibility. Children moved freely between homes. Elders guided the young. Burdens were distributed across many shoulders. This system provided a profound sense of security. It ensured no one faced life's challenges alone. The village was a collective project in human development. It understood that a child's character was shaped by the entire community, not just the immediate family.

The Disappearance of Traditional Villages

Today, that physical village has often disappeared. We live in separated apartments and busy cities. Our families are scattered across countries and continents. We navigate parenting, careers, and personal crises in isolation. The weight falls on individual households. This modern arrangement is a historical anomaly. It is also incredibly fragile. We feel the absence of that supportive circle every day. The question is not whether we need a village; the question is how we build one for our modern context.

The Architecture of a True Village

The power of the traditional village lay in its collective responsibility. It operated on a simple, powerful principle: every child was our daughter, our son. Every elder was our parent. This mindset created a pervasive web of care and accountability. If any adult saw a child misbehaving, they corrected them. They saw it as their natural duty. This was not interference; it was an extension of care.

A cousin recently recounted his first attempt at smoking as a teenager. He saw neighbours approaching and, in a panic, stuffed the lit cigarette into his mouth to hide it. It burned him terribly. When the neighbours reached him, he could barely greet them; his mouth was on fire. He was not afraid of his parents finding out. He was afraid of the entire village’s disapproval. This collective gaze provided a powerful moral compass. It guided behaviour and reinforced shared values.

This structure extended to all aspects of life. During a recent programme evaluation, participants shared how they still guide young people in rural areas. Girls and sometimes boys leave home dressed "decently." They pack short skirts or tight-fitting clothes in their bags. They change when they reach their destination. When community members see them, they do not look away. They immediately call their parents. The village continues to play its part. It acts as a guardian of communal norms and a protector of the young. This network provided a safety net that was both social and psychological. It meant you were seen, you were known, and you were accountable. You belonged to something larger than yourself.

Modern Villages Already Exist

The village has not vanished entirely. It has evolved into new forms. Old girls' and old boys' networks often function as powerful modern tribes. My own school alumni group has been a pillar of support for decades. We celebrate together at our children's christenings, confirmations, birthdays, and weddings. More importantly, we provide shoulders to lean on during times of loss. When classmates lose parents or siblings, the group mobilises instantly. The digital world makes this support immediate, even when we cannot be physically present. Messages of comfort and prayers flow constantly through our group chat. This network can drop everything to be at your physical or digital doorstep when needed. This is the village in its contemporary form.

I recall when my son-in-law decided to propose to my daughter. He told his parents a few days before flying home. They expressed concern about him proposing to a girl they had never met. We organised a meet-and-greet to bridge this gap. I learnt about the event the evening before it was scheduled. That night, I began calling and messaging my tribe. I explained this was my daughter's meet-and-greet tomorrow and asked if they were available. With less than eighteen hours' notice, my old school friends responded. They showed up in full force the next day. Their presence demonstrated the living reality of our modern village. It proved that deep community can flourish when we intentionally maintain it.

The Loss of Community in Modern Life

Contrast this with the reality of modern urban life. In cities and towns, the village has vanished. You may not even know who your neighbour is. My own home is a perfect example of this disconnect. I live in a gated community, a bungalow on a hill overlooking the city. A high wall surrounds the property. To one side, an apartment building houses short-term tenants. I have never met any of them, though we share a fence. To the other side, another high wall hides the neighbours from view. I only know they have a football field because a ball is regularly kicked into my garden. Young faces appear at the wall, requesting its return. Sometimes, if no one is home, the balls remain in the garden for days or weeks. Access is controlled by a bell with a camera. I see a face on a screen and decide whether to open the gate. This is the antithesis of a village. It is a life of curated isolation, where proximity does not equal connection.

This isolation has profound consequences. It strips away the natural support systems humans need to thrive. A friend recounted how, as a student, his bus broke down on the way to school. Arriving too late to attend, he and his friends went to his uncle’s house in the town. He knocked on the door, mentioned his late father’s name—the uncle’s own elder brother—and expected sanctuary. The uncle’s response was, "You are not welcome." This story is unimaginable in a traditional village context. There, a child in need would be sheltered by any member of the community without question. The erosion of this ethic leaves us vulnerable, lonely, and insecure. We have traded the known, watchful eyes of the village for the anonymous, indifferent gaze of the city.

Building Your Modern Tribe

You can construct your own village. It requires intention and a shift in mindset. The goal is to create a circle of trust and mutual aid. This is your modern tribe. Start by identifying the people already in your life. Look for neighbours, colleagues, or parents from your child's school. These connections form the foundation. The next step is to move from acquaintance to mutual support. This transition happens through small, consistent acts of trust.

Propose a simple childcare co-operative with two or three other families. Take turns watching the children for a few hours each week. This gives parents guaranteed free time. It also allows children to build relationships with other trusted adults. Organise a monthly potluck dinner. The shared meal creates a natural space for conversation and connection. These regular gatherings become the hearth of your modern village. They are where relationships deepen and trust is built. The principle is to move from being neighbours to being kin, bound not just by location but by shared commitment.

Creating Circles of Trust and Mutual Support

A true tribe extends beyond casual friendship. It is a network of shared responsibility. This means showing up for each other in practical ways. It means cooking a meal for a family with a new baby. It means driving a friend's child to school when they are ill. It means offering to sit with an elder so their primary caregiver can rest. These acts create a web of interdependence. They replicate the communal safety net of the traditional village.

This principle also applies to collective problem-solving and guidance. Create a small group for discussing challenges and sharing wisdom. This could be a book club that evolves into a support circle. It could be a professional network that offers career guidance. The format matters less than the commitment to mutual uplift. In these circles, you can share resources, knowledge, and emotional support. Crucially, you can also reclaim the gentle, collective guidance of the village. In a tribe, it becomes natural to offer a word of advice to a friend’s teenager or to check in on an elder living alone. You rediscover the security that comes from knowing your tribe has your back. You rebuild the collective conscience that once guided behaviour and fostered a profound sense of belonging.

The village is not a relic of the past. It is a fundamental human need. We are wired for community and connection. By building our own tribes, we reclaim that birthright. We create resilience for ourselves and our children. We prove that the village never truly disappeared. We simply need to gather its people anew. Start small. Reach out to one person this week. The architecture for a supportive community is waiting to be built. You hold the first stone.

NITE TANZARN IntellectNest wants to create a world where equality, inclusivity, and human dignity are the norm, especially by challenging patriarchal norms and dismantling structural inequalities across Africa through research, training, and consultancy.