Sexual violence as the ultimate betrayal in marriage

One of my colleagues once called me bold, and another added, “No subject seems to be off limits for you.” And you know what? They are right. I address topics others might shy away from, especially when it comes to intimate partner violence. I see it as a responsibility to speak the uncomfortable truths. The responses I have received—whether through comments, calls, or private messages—reassure me that this conversation is necessary. People are seeking a space to talk about these issues openly and honestly.

So why is it so important to talk about sexual violence in marriage? This issue is often silenced, misunderstood, or dismissed, yet it affects countless lives. We cannot afford to keep turning a blind eye. The overwhelming responses I have received confirm that this is a conversation we must have. Sexual violence in marriage, including marital rape and other non-consensual acts, is a grave violation that must be recognised and addressed.

You meet someone, you become friends, you date, and then you get married. Like most, you believe in marital bliss forever. You trust your partner enough to share your life and your bed with them. But what happens when that trust is broken? What happens when the very person you trusted begins to betray you in the most intimate way—by sexually violating you? When a partner who should be your protector becomes the source of your deepest pain, it leaves scars that are not just physical, but emotional too.

In previous posts, I have discussed other forms of intimate partner violence—emotional manipulation, coercive control, economic abuse, and physical violence. But today, I want to focus on sexual violence within marriage, an issue that is often hidden and rarely discussed. It is time we face it with courage and honesty.

Why is sexual violence the ultimate betrayal?

Sexual violence is the deepest form of betrayal because it shatters the foundation of trust on which a marriage is built. A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect and consent. When one partner forces or coerces the other into non-consensual sexual acts, they are not just crossing a boundary—they are tearing apart the trust that holds the relationship together. This leaves the victim feeling powerless, violated, and isolated. The damage goes far beyond the physical; it strikes at the heart of the emotional connection and security that a relationship should provide. Sexual violence dismantles trust, respect, and love, which makes it the ultimate betrayal.

Sexual violence in relationships

Sexual violence within a relationship involves non-consensual sexual acts, committed by a partner or spouse. This form of abuse includes marital rape and any other unwanted sexual activity, violating the victim’s autonomy and bodily integrity. The emotional and physical harm caused by such acts can have long-lasting effects, leaving victims feeling powerless, ashamed, and traumatised.

Why is marital rape often ignored?

Marital rape is frequently dismissed or not recognised as a crime in many cultures. The idea that a spouse can refuse consent or that marriage does not imply unlimited sexual access is often misunderstood. Marital rape is a serious form of sexual violence, and failing to address it perpetuates harm and silences victims. The following accounts of real experiences show the devastating impact of this abuse.

How does marital rape affect victims?

Imelda often wakes up to find her husband raping her, without her consent. This harrowing experience illustrates the violation of bodily autonomy and the emotional trauma that comes with marital rape. Imelda’s story emphasises the need to recognise marital rape as a severe form of violence, one that demands attention and intervention.

Consequences of sexual violence

Ingrid's husband sodomises her while she sleeps, causing both anal and vaginal infections. This is another example of sexual violence within marriage, where non-consensual acts lead to significant physical and emotional harm. Ingrid’s situation highlights the destructive effects of sexual violence and the urgent need for support systems for victims.

What happens when bodily integrity is violated?

Sally gave birth and had stitches to recover. Just two days after returning home, her husband demanded sex and forcefully engaged in it despite her pain. Although her stitches did not tear, the emotional and physical agony she endured was immense. Sally's experience reflects the disregard for a partner’s bodily needs and the abusive nature of non-consensual sexual acts.

Who controls bodily autonomy in marriage?

Indigo wanted only two children, but her husband insisted on having more. She was repeatedly coerced into unwanted pregnancies, violating her right to bodily autonomy. This form of abuse shows how controlling a partner’s reproductive choices can be a profound violation of their rights and well-being.

What are the legal and psychological implications of sexual violence

Sexual violence in relationships has serious legal and psychological consequences for victims. Legally, many victims face obstacles when they seek justice. In some places, marital rape is not even recognised as a crime, making it harder for victims to get the protection and justice they deserve. Even in jurisdictions where laws exist, legal systems can be slow, unsupportive, or dismissive, which further discourages victims from coming forward. On the psychological side, the toll is immense. Victims often experience deep trauma, anxiety, depression, and overwhelming feelings of shame. Without the right support and legal protection, many victims are left to suffer in silence, which can lead to long-term mental health issues.

What challenges do victims face when seeking help?

Victims of sexual violence within relationships often face numerous barriers when trying to get help. Society’s attitudes toward sexual violence can be discouraging, with cultural taboos and victim-blaming making it hard for victims to speak up. In many communities, the idea of speaking out against a partner, especially in cases of marital rape, is still seen as taboo. Victims may fear judgement or isolation, not just from society but even from their own families. Moreover, the legal system can sometimes fail them, offering inadequate protection or justice. These challenges make it vital for us to create safe spaces where victims feel supported and heard.

How can we recognise and address sexual violence in relationships?

Recognising sexual violence in relationships is the first and most important step in tackling it. We must listen to survivors, believe their stories, and offer real support. Awareness campaigns can play a huge role in breaking the silence, helping people understand what constitutes sexual violence. On top of that, legal reforms that better protect victims and stronger support systems, including counselling services and shelters, are essential. These measures can ensure that victims have the resources they need to escape harmful situations and start the process of healing.

Concluding reflections at NITE TANZARN IntellectNest

Sexual violence in relationships is a grave violation of trust and autonomy. The stories of Imelda, Ingrid, Sally, and Indigo remind us that this issue cannot be ignored. As a society, we must acknowledge the suffering of victims and work towards creating a culture where sexual violence is never tolerated. At NITE TANZARN IntellectNest, we continue to advocate for the rights and dignity of all, raising awareness about the often-hidden forms of abuse in relationships.